Okay, by now you’ve heard that “Big” Jim Roth went all John Wayne on some hit and run driver in Oklahoma City the other day. The husky 135 pound 6 footer chased down the perp through Oklahoma City streets and threatened to perform a smackdown after he pulled a Smokey and the Bandit blocking maneuver on the perp’s car.

Out the door flew the superhero, confronting the perp and calling him stupid because Roth was “offended.” We know this is true, because we saw it on Newsok.TV! For real! Right there in front of his campaign signs, interviewed by a Hot Wings waitress reporter from the newspaper TV station! It’s much, much better than cops!

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?? STOP IT!! This is Jim Roth, Superhero and official spokesman for Chesapeake Energy Corporation!! Why I’ll bet the perp was a 300 pound weightlifter, and you have got to stop laughing.!!

I’m thinking you’re not taking this seriously. There is much to be learned about crime fighting from Big Jim: always do crime fighting debrief pressers in front of your signs; always select a reporter such as Angie Brus to ensure high quality journalism; (NOT!) make sure that you interview with media conglomerates who are respected world-wide and aren’t in the bag for your election. Frankly, we think adding another crime fighter to the corporation commission is a great idea. Perhaps they can track down those responsible for rulings that are causing your electric bills to skyrocket, and then regular Oklahomans can chase THOSE perps down, pull them out of their car and beat the crap out of them. Just like Big Jim!

Related: EXCLUSIVE: Commissioner Jim Roth Arrested for DUI in ‘95; Resolution of Case a Mystery

Muskogee Phoenix’s Dave Gerard: “So why are we suspicious of oil and gas companies?”

“This past week, Oklahoma House Speaker Chris Benge proposed an energy plan for helping reduce the state’s dependence on foreign oil. Benge wants the Legislature to help finance the expansion of publicly available compressed natural gas stations from 28 to 56 in the next five years.

He also proposes the state help fund the conversion of state, city and school district fleets to compressed natural gas, and finance CareerTech programs to train technicians to work on natural gas-powered vehicles.

There are more incentives: low interest loans and tax credits, to encourage the use of compressed natural gas.

Using natural gas, which Oklahoma has a lot of, for vehicles, is a good idea.

But why should the state build gas stations for natural gas companies?”

OKPNS: (9/2/08) “Sold Out Tour” Start This Week

Video: The Ambiguously Gay Duo Superheroes

The Ambiguously Gay Duo @ Yahoo! Video

An anonymous OKPNS reader has sent along a document from one-time guest columnist “Dr. Goose.” We heartily encourage our readers to send us their original commentary for consideration for OKPNS. (okpns_editor@hotmail.com)

It appears Dr. Goose is about to come to the defense of Speaker Chris Benge’s controversial natural gas plan. The document appears here in it’s unedited state, providing us insight into the media powers that are assembling to support the Speaker.

 

Developing!

From “Dr. Goose:”

The Oklahoma Speaker, Chris Benge, rolled out his record profits energy independence plan for T. Boone and Chesapeake Oklahomans this week, and he is patriotically asking Oklahomans to help us defeat dangerous foreign oil. I was shocked: I didn’t know foreign oil was more dangerous than its domestic cousin! I’ll be more careful from now on! I guess that Argentina crude is packing heat. Heck yes, Mr. Speaker, I’ll be glad to say no to dangerous foreign oil and it’s children, gasoline and diesel. “You pack heat, you’re going back in, but not in my tank!”

I’m also jazzed about his call to Oklahomans to emulate the progressive countries of the world, you know, Pawkeeestawn (Obama-speak) and Eyeran (Bush-speak). Next, the Speaker will challenge us Oklahomans to be the best we can be, and overtake Tennessee in the number of obnoxious country singers per square mile. Stirring rhetoric coming from my Speaker!

I am very enthusiastic: I’m pretty sure Mr. Benge is going to tour Oklahoma wearing one of those NASCAR-like driving suits with all the logos of the companies who bought him are helping him make Oklahoma and America energy independent. His news conference at the end of the opening day of the legislature will sound something like this: “The Chris Benge Chesapeake T. Boonedoggle Nose Pickens Clean Skies Foundation CNG/BS Massive Tax Credits Oklahoma Thundergottheclap Energy Pawkeestawn-Eye-Ran Independence scheme plan ran pretty good here on opening day. We put in a couple hundred thousand in the tank, added a butt-load of hot air to the rear and added couple pounds of methane and the crowd just went wild. In the future, we’ve got to keep our crew chief, Dirty Coates, from letting his papers blow across the track. But all in all, we fooled ‘em educated them and they pretty much bought into this bovine scatology plan. I know I have been bought.”

There are some who think ‘addicted to oil’ is liberal environmental wacko talk, adopted by the President in one of his weak moments, and used by leftists and con artists promoting foolish alternative energy plans. I want to be clear: it is just a coincidence that Speaker Benge is sounding like Al Gore and Thomas Friedman and a couple thousand communist writers. Just a coincidence. No, I’m serious. Stop laughing, darn it!!

And one other thing: that similarity between the folks that advised old Harry Coates last year and this deal, I want to go on record that’s a coincidence, too. The difference is Harry Coates is a Republican who fell under the sway of liberal RINO’s and got caught doing a stupid thing on behalf of some energy con artists, while Speaker Benge is a Republican who fell under the sway of liberal RINO’s and got caught doing a stupid thing on behalf of some energy con artists, and uh, oh hell, never mind.

Anyway, on behalf of our civic minded Speaker, who is advancing tax credits for con artists Oklahoma’s children, I want to draw your attention to three so-called conservatives, who are actually rabid liberals, who falsely and cynically are attempting to slam the con artists patriots who care nothing about profits and want rob help America.

Read the non-sense from this Limbaugh character and others and you’ll see why Chris Benge is actually a keen-thinking man who hasn’t been influenced by the lure of campaign donations and power.

Read these three “lefties” (Limbaugh, Corsi, Hebron) and realize Chris Benge is a man full of natural gas of vision who is putting the interests of billionaires Oklahomans foremost in his taxpayer ripoff leadership.

Speaker Benge Quote:

“Of the 234.6 million vehicles traveling on American roads, a mere 95,000 are natural gas vehicles, or 0.1 percent. That is compared to countries like Argentina where there are 1.5 million NGVs on their roads. Both Pakistan and Iran have nearly a quarter of their vehicles running on natural gas. And they do that so they can reserve their oil to sell to the United States, further feeding America’s addiction to foreign fuel.”

I am Press I Guess

I am Press I Guess

Can you Guess if I am Press?

 

Press I Guess, I wonder why,

You let old Dirty Harry lie?

 

Don’t you like my Harry Coates?

I Love my Coates, on him I dotes.

But Randy Terrill, gets my goats!

 

About that Harry’s missing wrapper?

 

Of course he left them in the crapper.

In a plain manilla wrapper.

We knew it soon would be a mess,

but you know we are Press I Guess.

As Press I Guess we’re in the bag,

with Harry’s tale, we do not gag,

His docs were hacked, hacked we say!

Don’t let the facts get in the way,

And we won’t check that story out,

We’ll never, ever, have no doubt!

 

We will not write about his lies

We’d never ever be so wise,

We’ll never ask for the cop’s report,

If the truth comes out, would that be sport?

 

We’re Press I Guess, the verdict’s in,

We know his story’s pretty thin,

but dogging Harry is a sin,

We’re Press I Guess, believe OUR spin.

 

So Press I Guess,

How will you stop this Harry mess?

 

We’ll keep looking the other way,

ignore, refuse to ever play,

Inspector Clouseau would be proud,

of how our silence speaks so loud.

We won’t ask for the security tape,

for then our Harry could not escape!

 

The probe it ended ’cause Harry’s true,

the cost too much for me and you,

we’ll never ask, ‘o the cost, how much?’

We’re Press I Guess, so out of touch.

 

We’re Press I Guess, If we did our job,

we’d have old Harry by the knob,

We’re MSM, our mission true:

To help keep Harry snowing you!

 

But now come blogs, they want the facts!

They think that Harry’s lines doth smack,

of lies and phony insinuations,

they care not of our fascination

with Harry and his bumbling crew,

How dare they tell the truth to you!

 

We’re Press I Guess,

and here’s the deal,

we’ll never make our Harry squeal,

we’ll let him lie, and preen and strut,

and stay here on our lazy butt!

 

…and the ‘Coates Calamity’ continues